everyday judgement day

I was brought up knowing there was a heaven and a hell. I think it was my mam that told me about it. I went to bed thinking, "Mam would you ever loose the 9-5 job cause you have one major imagination going on up there." I soon discovered it wasn't the case, my mam was listening to the many fairytales told in church.

But one thing always stuck with me from this story. It was that I would be judged when I die and that a decision would be made whether you go to heaven or hell.

I imagined me approaching a large golden gate with naked men (it's my fucking heaven alright) at both sides telling me to wait for the higher being. There he would decide my fate. He always felt that I was always good enough not to go to hell but that I needed some cleansing before I enter heaven. So he drew a line fire, I had to cross it and as a result I would be purified.

Well I haven't faced that meeting yet, hence, the writing of the blog. Still, why do I feel like I'm facing a wall of fire every step I take.

I thought I'd face an intervention of judging when I die. That's not the case, it's never been the case and I'm thinking I should give up in it every been the case. Because I'm judged when I walk down the street and entering a gay pub. Hesitation runs through my face when I say,"Tallaght is my hometown", due to the stigma attached to the area. I'm even been judged when I mention Britney Spears as an artist I listen to. Worst of all, I'm judged for things I've done which has never caused any harm to anyone else. Things that are no business of their own, things that were heard from others, and them not even knowing the full story. Such things which influence their feelings and thoughts of myself, and as a result I'm judged and tainted.

I have judged in the past, I'm no Saint Davih. However, I would question by judging, I would listen to all the whats and whys. If the person is causing no harm to anyone else, I'd try very hard to look pass the black and white and see the grey. Because everything is not what it seems, a point everyone should take note of.

I'm sick of all the purgatory at this stage, so when I die i'll be taking a detour to Limbo rather than the golden gates of heaven.